Ayda Khan’s “Change To My Everything” explores grieving a parent living with Dementia
I've always been a fan of music that tells a genuine story.
Maybe part of that is residue from my childhood: my dad breaking down the meaning of Steve Wonder songs like Genius, or my sister and I perched on the stairs eavesdropping on "grown people conversations". Regardless of the origin story, I love leaving a song or album feeling like I know more about the artist. Bonus points if I leave discovering more about myself.
Cover art for “Change To My Everything”
Singer, Ayda Khan's single, "Change To My Everything" tells a vulnerable story — and has earned a serious amount of bonus points.
Seven years ago, Ayda Khan wrote the song lyrics to cope with her dad's early-onset frontal-temporal dementia and all the changes happening as a result. This has been her reality since she was 14-years-old. It's important that you know that this type of dementia includes memory loss and causes changes in a person's personality.
So Ayda Khan isn't just grieving her dad’s fading memory – she’s grieving who he is becoming. You can hear the weight of that emotion in her voice throughout the song. As I listened, it only strengthened her honest lyrics.
Yet, as personal as this song is, Ayda Khan wasn't just making it for herself. When I got the chance to talk to her about the single, she shared her hope that "Change To My Everything" can be medicine for people.
Pictured: Ayda Khan
"When I think about my dad, I miss him in a way that’s hard to explain, because frontal-temporal dementia took over and everything changed before I was old enough to understand it.” Says Ayda. “He used to be this vibrant, creative force, working as a Rogers TV producer, president of the Rideau Hall Cricket Association, playing reggae music around the house, telling stories about the days he rode his motorcycle. It was as if nothing could stop him. Then almost overnight, it felt like he woke up as someone else, with a different personality.
If anyone reading this has experienced something like this or any sort of loss, and needs someone to talk to, I am all ears and would love to listen to your stories. "
I see this intention the most in her decision to sing over a more up-beat track. Maybe hearing it from me, you're thinking, with subject matter this deep, how can that work? Better than my simple answer of "It just goes" — probably credited to her collaboration with producer Roy Hamilton III — Ayda Khan explained that she wanted a beat that inspired hope in spite of the grief.
Isn't that the reason to love music? Beyond liking how it sounds, it can give us the real and also make us feel. (Yes, I know that rhymes, don't worry I'll be keeping the music making to the professionals).
Pictured: Ayda Khan
That's what this song did for me.
My grandpa had Alzheimer's. At 10-years-old I couldn't fully explain what it felt like to watch someone you love, someone who helped raise you, forget. Places. People. Memories. You. I still can't find those words at 21.
While Ayda Khan and I have different experiences, it was refreshing to hear a song talk about that feeling. Though you might not know what it's like to grieve in this way, I'm sure (I hope) you know that "They get it" feeling. And the peace of reassurance that comes with it: I'm not alone.
I've always been a fan of music that tells a genuine story, because it too has the power to change everything.
If you or someone you love is navigating a similar experience, here are a few resources that may offer support:
Alzheimer Society of Canada – Information, support, and guidance for families.
Dementia Canada – Programs, education, and caregiver support.
“Change To My Everything” is available to stream everywhere.